The Moos Room™

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Emily
And welcome everybody to The Moos Room

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Emily
It is just Emily here today. Every so often, Brad does allow me to do the Emily show. He's got a lot of travel this.

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Emily
Week, and so I said I would step in and take care of this one. Of course, he does a lot of solo work, so I felt like it was my turn to, to pull some weight.

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Emily
And I wanted to have just a quick episode today.

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Emily
Of course, I love to talk about.

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Emily
Stress, safety, mental health topics, all of those types of things. And the holidays are right around the corner. And I get asked a.

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Emily
Lot this time of year.

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Emily
About dealing with holiday stress, specifically.

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Emily
Around relationships, dealing with our family. You know, so the people we see every day that being extra strained.

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Emily
Or stressed and also.

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Emily
Perhaps seeing family members we don't see as often and that can bring all sorts of stressors.

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Emily
Right? So I just want to jump into it and briefly talk about setting boundaries. I think we've discussed this.

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Emily
Before on the podcast.

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Emily
And just as a reminder.

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Emily
You know, boundaries really allow us to, you know.

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Emily
Be able to move about the world and live our lives in.

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Emily
A way that is comfortable.

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Emily
For us and doesn't.

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Emily
Cause us any extra stress. Right.

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Emily
And all sorts of things may cause us stress that.

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Emily
We need to put boundaries around.

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Emily
Right? It's not just people. It can also be situations, places.

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Emily
Etc. all sorts of things. Right?

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Emily
But author Nedra Glover to OP kind of gives three easy steps.

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Emily
On on how to set boundaries.

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Emily
So step one be clear and be straightforward.

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Emily
When setting a boundary, don't raise your voice.

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Emily
Step two state your need or request directly.

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Emily
What you'd.

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Emily
Like.

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Emily
Rather than what you don't want or don't like.

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Emily
And step three accept any.

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Emily
Discomfort that arises as a result, right? Knowing sometimes when we set boundaries.

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Emily
People get a little upset, right? Especially if we have never set a boundary.

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Emily
With them before. It can be a little bit of a shock to them. You know, they aren't used to not getting their way or not being able to say or do whatever they want around you.

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Emily
So you may wonder, what do those boundaries.

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Emily
Sound like that, right? How how can I actually set the boundary?

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Emily
So I kind of have four examples of of how we can set boundaries in different situations. And I know that setting boundaries.

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Emily
Can be uncomfortable. Right? It's an uncomfortable topic.

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Emily
That's why I'm.

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Emily
Talking about it. Without Bradley here. Right.

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Emily
It really makes me uncomfortable. So it does take work. It does take practice. But I remind myself.

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Emily
And others, you know, like.

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Emily
What is the the cost.

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Emily
Benefit here? Like.

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Emily
Maybe it's an awkward conversation. Yeah. Maybe somebody is going to be.

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Emily
Mad at you or upset for some period of time.

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Emily
But overall is your.

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Emily
Well-Being going to be better? Right? Are you going to have less stress?

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Emily
And if you are, then probably.

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Emily
Worth taking these steps to do this.

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Emily
So setting boundaries can sound a variety of different ways. I'm going to go through four examples. Example one know as simple as that. It's okay to.

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Emily
Tell people no.

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Emily
It doesn't mean that you don't care about something. And knowing when you can.

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Emily
And cannot take something on or be a part.

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Emily
Of something is a really important.

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Emily
Part of setting boundaries.

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Emily
And also keeping in mind too, that boundaries may be permanent, but they can also be temporary.

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Emily
Right. And.

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Emily
We'll talk more about.

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Emily
That in a later example.

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Emily
But example two, and this one is probably.

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Emily
Really appropriate for uncomfortable conversations you may have around the holidays.

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Emily
Let's talk about something else. You have no requirement to participate in something that.

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Emily
Makes you uncomfortable.

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Emily
And so redirecting the conversation.

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Emily
Communicates your boundaries to others, right? And if they don't accept.

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Emily
That.

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Emily
Redirect or they say no, I really want.

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Emily
To talk about this, then you can maybe.

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Emily
Exit the conversation or.

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Emily
Say, well, I don't want.

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Emily
To, so I'm going to leave. I'm going to go talk to somebody else.

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Emily
Example number three getting back to some boundaries, just needing to be temporary. Can I follow up with you? Sometimes the biggest.

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Emily
Boundary we really.

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Emily
Need for ourselves.

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Emily
Is time, right?

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Emily
And asking for more time allows us to focus.

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Emily
On, you know, what needs our attention right now. So like I said, again, I like this.

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Emily
Boundary setting a lot because it's.

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Emily
Not forever. It's not permanent. It truly is temporary.

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Emily
I need some time to myself communicate with others.

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Emily
When you need a break.

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Emily
Right? That is a huge.

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Emily
Part of boundary setting is just taking yourself away from something.

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Emily
To be an.

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Emily
Advocate for yourself and for your health, right?

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Emily
Sometimes you just need some space and not everybody is going to advocate for you the.

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Emily
Way you will, and you know your needs better than anybody.

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Emily
So as we put this all together, we need to remember that setting boundaries, of course, takes some practice, it takes some thought, and it also takes self-awareness and self understanding.

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Emily
Right.

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Emily
We need to take the time to reflect with ourselves of what we really need, what situations are maybe making us.

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Emily
Uncomfortable or are difficult for.

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Emily
Us, and that can help us figure out where we may be.

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Emily
Need to set boundaries.

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Emily
And of course, I love to talk.

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Emily
About resilience.

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Emily
So I need to mention as well that boundaries can help.

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Emily
Build our resilience.

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Emily
Right? Boundaries create ways for us to avoid unnecessary or extra stressors, so that helps us.

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Emily
Be able to handle our overall.

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Emily
Stress.

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Emily
That much.

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Emily
Better. I also will share that boundaries may mark a change in a.

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Emily
Relationship, right? Especially if it is something new, if it is an effort to.

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Emily
Distance ourselves or again, just change the dynamic.

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Emily
Of a relationship.

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Emily
And that can make this process feel hard. But again, keep in mind any sort of change is the foundation of resilience, and having a healthy view.

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Emily
Of it is going to make your resilience that much more powerful.

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Emily
And of course, I always say that self-care is not selfish, and setting boundaries is a form of self-care, right? So doing this is not about being mean or hurting somebody's feelings. It is really about, again, taking care of yourself and assessing.

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Emily
What you need to feel. Well.

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Emily
And so I am just going to wrap it there today. I said it was going to be a quick episode. You know, sometimes when it's the family show and I have free.

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Emily
Rein, I can go on and on, and.

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Emily
Sometimes I just have a few quick thoughts that I want.

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Emily
To share with you all.

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Emily
So, you know, as we're heading into the holidays again here, remember that boundaries are a really.

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Emily
Healthy way to build positive relationships and to help maintain positive relationships as well.

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Emily
So I really hope that you are able to find ways to put up some boundaries and build resilience for yourself this holiday season. And as always, if you have any questions, comments, or scathing.

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Emily
Rebuttals about today's episode, you can email those.

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Emily
To the newsroom at UMD.

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Emily
And you can find us on the web at.

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Emily
Extension at UMW. I hope you have a happy and safe holidays, and we will catch you again next week. Bye!